Churrascaria-a-rama
I'm in Chicago for the week, so last night my boyfriend Randy and I went to one of our favorite spots. El Llano is a hole-in-the-wall Colombian place that features bargain-priced steak and chicken served on giant wooden slabs, along with yummy beef empanadillas and soups. Nothing is over $12. I always order the same meal: the antioque custome (?), a huge platter overflowing with the following things:
1) A slab of steak
2) A hunk of fried pork rind
3) Large sausages
3) Rice
4) Beans
5) A fried egg
6) Half an avocado
7) Plantains
8) A corn pancake
Sometimes it also includes yucca or a chicken breast.
Note: My torso is not as small as it appears in the picture. Nor is my head so mammoth. Randy had a weird lens on his camera that made me look like a mutant.
The last time we went to El Llano, the waitress went to the back room to retrieve a photo of herself thirty pounds heavier in an attempt to dissuade me from ordering the platter. She said the excess weight was from eating too much Colombian food, but later admitted that the photo was taken soon after she moved to the U.S., when she was frequently pigging out at Pizza Hut and McDonald's.
She was unable to change my mind, but I do get the feeling that the antioque custome is designed to feed an entire Colombian family, or at the very least a ravenous cowboy after a day on the ranch. Certainly it doesn't seem intended for a twenty-seven-year-old girl. Maybe it's just my imagination, but nearby diners always seem to titter when I order it. I've taken to apologizing in advance, making it clear that I am perfectly aware of its enormity, but insisting that I want it anyway.
Also, we finally got our BYOB act together and remembered to bring some beers along. For those unfamiliar with Chicago dining, many smaller establishments in the city have a BYOB policy because liquor licenses are too costly. Cheapskates like us like it because it's a great way to keep meal costs down without looking obviously like cheapskates.
We were so engrossed in conversation that I forgot to notice what I was eating until I had almost finished the entire platter. This was a gross mistake on my part. That night I was so full that I had to sleep on my back, as if I was pregnant with steak. It literally hurt to breathe. It just may have been a new low.
1) A slab of steak
2) A hunk of fried pork rind
3) Large sausages
3) Rice
4) Beans
5) A fried egg
6) Half an avocado
7) Plantains
8) A corn pancake
Sometimes it also includes yucca or a chicken breast.
Note: My torso is not as small as it appears in the picture. Nor is my head so mammoth. Randy had a weird lens on his camera that made me look like a mutant.
The last time we went to El Llano, the waitress went to the back room to retrieve a photo of herself thirty pounds heavier in an attempt to dissuade me from ordering the platter. She said the excess weight was from eating too much Colombian food, but later admitted that the photo was taken soon after she moved to the U.S., when she was frequently pigging out at Pizza Hut and McDonald's.
She was unable to change my mind, but I do get the feeling that the antioque custome is designed to feed an entire Colombian family, or at the very least a ravenous cowboy after a day on the ranch. Certainly it doesn't seem intended for a twenty-seven-year-old girl. Maybe it's just my imagination, but nearby diners always seem to titter when I order it. I've taken to apologizing in advance, making it clear that I am perfectly aware of its enormity, but insisting that I want it anyway.
Also, we finally got our BYOB act together and remembered to bring some beers along. For those unfamiliar with Chicago dining, many smaller establishments in the city have a BYOB policy because liquor licenses are too costly. Cheapskates like us like it because it's a great way to keep meal costs down without looking obviously like cheapskates.
We were so engrossed in conversation that I forgot to notice what I was eating until I had almost finished the entire platter. This was a gross mistake on my part. That night I was so full that I had to sleep on my back, as if I was pregnant with steak. It literally hurt to breathe. It just may have been a new low.
posted by cindym at 7:53 PM
3 Comments:
"as if I was pregnant with steak" what a fabulous line.
Where can I get one of those torso-reducing lenses?
Did he take another picture after the steak had been consumed?
Lol. Yes, the torso is reduced, but the head is inflated to gargantuan proportions!
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