Thoughts on Turning Thirty
Shortly, I will turn thirty. This really isn't so bad because my twenties weren't, you know, FANTASTIC, so I figure what's coming down the pike will probably be an improvement. Still, I need to come to terms with some of the stereotypes I have about people in their thirties. These ideas are disrupting what should otherwise be a whole-hearted embrace of the approaching decade. Here's what concerns me:
Thirtysomethings do not decide what they will wear to work by grabbing something off the bedroom floor and sniffing it. And they definitely do not use this method to choose their socks.
Thirtysomething women do not remove their bras the moment they get home from work, lazily pulling them off through their shirt sleeves the way they learned in the seventh grade locker room. They do not then fling these bras on the back of the sofa, and leave them there for the next two to four days.
Thirtysomethings do not carry Hello Kitty lunchboxes to work.
Thirtysomethings like to talk about mortgages, reproductive challenges, reproductive successes, insurance, commutes, and school systems. They do not enjoy discussions about boogers, intestinal challenges, generalized malaise, and selfhood.
Thirtysomethings do not need to eat cookies every single night.
Thirtysomethings do not make bad choices like they did in their twenties last week, such as getting drunk on a work night and then eating brain tacos in the Mission well after an appropriate bedtime.
Thirtysomething women have long ago abandoned their fantasies of dying their hair platinum blond, just once.
Thirtysomethings do not continually wonder whether they are fulfilled because they have already figured that out by the time they turned thirty, and they have bigger stuff to worry about anyway, like keeping tiny human beings alive. God.
On the other hand, I can hardly say that my activities lately have exactly embodied twentysomething behavior either. For example:
Twentysomethings do not fall asleep at 9:15 on the couch in front of PBS.
Twentysomethings do not prefer reading a book under the covers to cocktail parties.
Twentysomethings go to concerts more than once every five years, and do not wish to sit down at these concerts.
Twentysomethings do not buy food in "100-Calorie Packs" because they do not need to worry about their increasing rotundity.
Twentysomethings do not find out about new music from NPR.
Twentysomethings do not ask for old-lady shopping trolleys for their birthday.
Twentysomethings do not worry about turning thirty.
Thirtysomethings do not decide what they will wear to work by grabbing something off the bedroom floor and sniffing it. And they definitely do not use this method to choose their socks.
Thirtysomething women do not remove their bras the moment they get home from work, lazily pulling them off through their shirt sleeves the way they learned in the seventh grade locker room. They do not then fling these bras on the back of the sofa, and leave them there for the next two to four days.
Thirtysomethings do not carry Hello Kitty lunchboxes to work.
Thirtysomethings like to talk about mortgages, reproductive challenges, reproductive successes, insurance, commutes, and school systems. They do not enjoy discussions about boogers, intestinal challenges, generalized malaise, and selfhood.
Thirtysomethings do not need to eat cookies every single night.
Thirtysomethings do not make bad choices like they did in their twenties last week, such as getting drunk on a work night and then eating brain tacos in the Mission well after an appropriate bedtime.
Thirtysomething women have long ago abandoned their fantasies of dying their hair platinum blond, just once.
Thirtysomethings do not continually wonder whether they are fulfilled because they have already figured that out by the time they turned thirty, and they have bigger stuff to worry about anyway, like keeping tiny human beings alive. God.
On the other hand, I can hardly say that my activities lately have exactly embodied twentysomething behavior either. For example:
Twentysomethings do not fall asleep at 9:15 on the couch in front of PBS.
Twentysomethings do not prefer reading a book under the covers to cocktail parties.
Twentysomethings go to concerts more than once every five years, and do not wish to sit down at these concerts.
Twentysomethings do not buy food in "100-Calorie Packs" because they do not need to worry about their increasing rotundity.
Twentysomethings do not find out about new music from NPR.
Twentysomethings do not ask for old-lady shopping trolleys for their birthday.
Twentysomethings do not worry about turning thirty.
posted by cindym at 12:57 PM
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